Subject: music/thoughts

From: Nikola Chubrich <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 11 Feb 2020 20:50:35 -0500

Dear Dr. Meyer:

I intend to play at least *Mache dich, mein Herze rein, *and also *Sterbe,
Sterbe *from *Die Frau Ohne Schatten*. And if I have wakefulness of his
hand, then also Haydn's divine adagio from Op. 76 #5; and if after that,
the andante from Op. 20 #4. Beyond that I have not thought.

I include here, for your eyes only (not to show Klemens unless you
particularly wish), my act of bearing witness to Michael Ochoa. I had no
choice but to say these things, and Michael is discrete and trustworthy.

I spoke also of David's desire to invite me to his house, no occupied by
his ex-wife, on forth acres, built with his own hands. He has a swimming
pool and a jacuzzi, and a pool room in the basement. He wishes to buy a
leisure boat with the income from his fishing boat, and take me fishing in
the rivers and oceans of Dartmouth and New Bedford. And should he be
blessed to live, I am sure any friend of mine will be welcome under the
captainship of this extraordinary man: a Portuguese Churchill and
Shackleton, I rather think.

Right now, though, there are only complaints. But that, I suppose, is a
good sign.

come here if by any means you can
the time for reinforcements is night
*nigh
but come as your heart allows
I have a nice room with two beds, there is a pool and YMCA here
should you wish to spend the night or more nights
David is a man of superhuman strength
his survival on Sunday night was extra-ordinary
I cannot call it miraculous, as that would demean his strength
but he is ill
(though less so now)
distressed
and so far for three weeks and now also counting I have been alone with his
needs
I stayed up again all last night talking to the desk clerk here, who always
has good advice
and what's more is a good companion
and that is when she works
but today I slept from 9 - 2
having intended to take David to the hospital to finally fulfill the
appointment that was initiated for him
when I came in around 3 he was napping
and of course I would not wake him
by now I have a chest cold and am in declining health myself
I can handle it so far, but I am getting ragged
and I simply cannot drop him like a hot potato, as conventional wisdom
would have it
he is an extra-ordinary friend
I wish you could have heard our conversation last night
I've been waiting for this friendship in some sense, all my life
it has been the entry for me into manhood
albeit led by a broken man
but also unbroken
broken but unbroken
and yet Dr. Meyer has taught me an important lesson
(he finally spoke to David on the phone last night, and David said it was
an extra-ordinary conversation)
(though Dr. Meyer, in the needs of preserving the sacred secrecy of the
physician, misled me by saying it was a perfunctory conversation)
(David did not think so)
(and of course I left the room)
Dr. Meyer thinks there will be an immense medical liability case
and that at this point is the only way to proceed
putting a confused and drugged-up man on a T-bus on Sunday night
with his phone battery fully discharged
with instructions to get from \Newton to Charlestown
neither town having good T links
and something I could barely accomplish without Google help, even fully
compos mentis
that was murderously negligent
and I do not use that word lightly
(this part goes between "only way to proceed" and "with instructions to
get": looks like it was not sent)
putting a confused and drugged-up man on a T-bus on Sunday night with his
phone battery fully discharged
and above all it was unbelievably stingy
an Uber from Newton to Charlestown might cost on the order of $30
Partners HealthCare
a vile monopoly, Dr. Meyer tells me
currently engaged in driving other Boston-area hospitals out of business,
or gobbling them up as it chooses
even Tufts is in trouble
(and Tufts, word on the street has it, is one of the few \kind hospitals in
the Boston area)
constantly facing bankruptcy
Klemens Meyer, who is a professor at Tufts, speaks of this constantly
and this is not to be spread, of course
(obeying Hamilton, Lagrange, and the epsilon-delta principle)
Partners HealthCare began with MGH and Brigham and Womens
and by now has gobbled up Newton-Wellesley
though Newton-Wellesley is a kind hospital
(David liked it, unlike any other hospitalization he said)
(until he got overwhelmed and triggered by the constant invasions of
privacy, poking and prodding)
(which YOU DO NOT DO to veterans with PTSD)
(I know this from my own family)
as I said, though Newton-Wellesley is a kind hospital
it is under the same bean-counting constraints as the rest of the Partners
system
having observed the way they operate, I would surmise they can hardly have
made less than $100,000 from him \\in the last two months\\
all at taxpayer expense
none of it useful treatment
they operate by a complex manipulation of medical regulations
the aim being to delay treatment and shunt it into the emergency room
even the emergency room improperly discharges patients
because they know that a sick patient will be obliged to come back within a
matter of days
therefore they obtain another $5k or so
hardly pocket change
I saw this in action this week
David was on the point of being admitted last Tuesday evening to MGH
after a traumatic 9-hour ER visit during which every test that had been
done days before was done again, as if he were a blank slate
this up to and including CAT scans (!!!), which are not cheap
the night shift assured him he would be admitted
Espy Schaefer, my classmate, assured me a team of liver specialists was
waiting for him on the inpatient side
but on the shift change, at 7 am
a new and heartless doctor came on the ward
and discharged him
her justification being that the tests were adequate signs of health
anyone who might have taken one look at him would have known that he was a
severely unwell man
but I never saw even \one doctor or nurse spend any time \looking at him
they were rushing between patients
looking at computer screens
unable or unwilling to assess his health
he spent the next two days nearly comatose, while I spent the next two days
recovering
by Thursday night he could take it no more
and so I had the happy inspiration (or so I thought) to drive him all the
way out to Newton-Wellesely, a twenty-minute drive, with him in fear for
his life
it was the only way
and indeed, the kind doctors and nurses there treated neither of us as
sociopaths
which MGH \had
and he was admitted
but then the rules began again
and so Partners HealthCare
which had obtained via is billable self
three ER visits from him
and one inpatient hospitalization
when all he really needed was a timely refill of prescriptions
and maybe, just maybe, a timely appointment with a specialist
Partners HealthCare refused to pay for a $30 Uber ride
and left a man on the streets
near death
doubtless the bean counters will have realized that for every person who
dies prematurely
more come in with still more complex health problems
the whole thing is minutely optimized to maximize revenue
there may be a few actual sociopaths in the system with full consciousness
of this system
most likely at the very top
(CEO's have among the highest rates of sociopathy of any profession; so do
doctors and priests)
and they manipulate everyone else through threats and promises of
advancement
I really don't see any fundamental, dynamical difference from Nazism
Eichmann in Jerusalem is the next book I must read
there are a lot of postal clerks there, as Hannah Arendt related about the
1960 trial
following orders
well, whether it's a death by a thousand cuts
or death by the Boltzmann bullets of Zyklon B
we are looking at the same phenomenon
and whether it is death for profit
or death for a maniacal ideology
it is also murder
and I'd say death for profit is worse
at least Herr Heil Heil Crazypants thought he was saving his own country
this system
this utterly inconscious system
this utterly unaware system
this non-present system
does not care for human life
does not care for our country
it has the moral ability of a cockroach
a finite-state machine going about and gobbling up resources, and shysing
where it pleases
infecting whatever it touches
I have held up only because of my resources
what happens in ordinary circumstances to caregivers is that they are the
next domino to fall
and then \they must have caregivers
which is to say
unpayed family and friends who attempt to hack the system to get care
this being the main occupation of my past two weeks
it certainly was not spending time with David
the majority of my time has been playing this prisoner-of-war-camp card
game with no rules
Mao, it was called
and just as it was in the camps of Frozen Chosun
the stakes are life or death
and meanwhile as the wheel turns
I am quite sure they are preparing to blame me for everything that happens
if they could take me out, they would
they will not
and I am bearing witness
right now
and so must you
what I have seen leaves scarcely any more doubts in my own mind
we are in the midst of an epidemic of evil of historic proportions
and again, I do not use the word 'evil' lightly
I have spoken unwisely, perhaps, over a monitored connection
please get on Szignal as soon as you can
and get a ProtonMail account
and if you find this at all implausible
remember what Purdue Pharma did
and what the pharmaceutical industry continues to do
what the hospital chains are doing is still worse
and that story has not been told
keep this story to yourself, or share it advisedly
very advisedly
I am on dangerous ground already
Dr Meyer bids me look at David with the objectivity of a physician
though by no means omitting the subjectivity of love
and \pace that, I can say that he is a complicated man
but not evil
the system that has been killing him is complicated
and it is also evil
and they are using that power mercilessly
it deserves mercy only insofar as its collapse would put us all back into a
Hobbesian state, bleeding out on the streets, dying of tuberculosis
by 'they' I mean a system hardly having any awareness
but there are sociopaths at work as well
fortunately I can recognize them from a mile away
they hold the key to life and death
never tangle with sociopaths, Michael
it's not worth it
they must be approached indirectly